True Love Story

Note: This is the longest story I have probably ever done. It comes to about 2,000 words so if you're expecting 2 or 3 paragraphs you're gonna be sorely disappointed. Well, here we go, enjoy ^ ^

It started out like any other day. The alarm clock went off at the usual time of 5am and I begun the daily ritual: first I shred all the post from the day before (you never know who might be watching); then I set out my clothes for the day, I believe I decided on the brown pants with a peppermint tie because it was a Thursday; after I arranged my clothes I prepared my breakfast, nothing too special, just bread, margerine and a glass of warm water, I had to go round the house and turn all the lights off before I ate it mind (you never know who might be watching); whilst I was eating my breakfast I seem to recall the gas bill needed paying, I couldn't be sure though because I had shredded all the bills on the Sunday night (you have to shred those all at the same time, otherwise you get bad luck), I decided a trip to the Post Office was in order and so I sat there in my privacy chair until the post came.

After I had hidden that morning's post in the freezer (the last place they'd think to look) I set out for the Post Office. It's a rather agreeable walk to-and-from there, with plenty of interesting brick walls along the way, noticing their interesting patterns is sort of my hobby, in fact it's the reason I carry my tracing paper and wax crayon (you never know when you'll want to make a rubbing of a particularly interesting brick formation). Unfortunately for me there were lots of police cars blocking my usual way down the back streets, so to get there I had to take the quicker route, through the middle of town.

It was quite a busy and sunny day, both of which disagree with me greatly. I had only come this way once before on a whim, "Some change will do you good" I thought to myself but when I was in the town centre there was some sort of phaeces on the ground, so I decided I would only ever come this way if it was my only choice... which today, it was.

Trying to keep a low profile I was walking quite quickly, dodging all the other shoppers as best I could, when a sweet smell jarred me. Ordinarily I dont slow down on the Post Office run unless there's a nice looking bit of brickwork to admire but this was different, what I was smelling was freshly baked bread coming from inside a small cafe. Being the man I am I thought twice about it, afterall, I wasn't thinking about having lunch today, as I probably wouldn't finish my large tea of processed ham slices and cheese but I couldn't resist and I went inside.

"How much for a whole freshly-baked loaf?" I asked.
"I'm sorry???" Was my rather shrill answer from the teenager behind the counter.
"I would like a loaf of fresh bread please" I reiterrated.
"JUDY! THIS GUY WANTS A LOAF OF BREAD!" She shouted into a back room. At which point a an older woman came out, she must have been about 37 (I'm rather good at guessing peoples ages), she gestured for the younger girl to go into the back room.
"Sorry about her, she's new. What can I do for you deary?"
"I was wondering how much it is for a loaf of your freshly-baked bread miss" I asked for the third time.
"I'm sorry, we only serve sandwiches here... I suppose I could sell you a few sarnies with nothin' on 'em for a cheap price but not a whole loaf... if you're just after plain bread that's the best I can do I'm afraid"
(This was perfect, now I could have dinner and still might have some room left for tea) "That will do quite nicely thank you.".

After I paid for my 8 slices I decided to sit outside the cafe and eat it on one of the many tables set up outside it. The bread was perfect, warm but soft with a crispy crust, it's like they had read my mind and baked it. I was 2 slices into my lunch when I saw her. Walking towards me. She was gorgeous.

Her eyes sparkled in the sunlight, her hair glistened as it was blown by the gentle breeze, her legs were long and slender and her hips... mmm her hips. The guy she was with was a complete yob: trainers, filthy denim trousers and a football shirt on. Just looking at him would have made me nauseous, that is, if he weren't walking alongside such a stunning creature. She was like a magnet, drawing me in, I felt my brain being overwritten with thoughts of her until she was all my mind could focus on. I HAD TO HAVE HER.

Her boyfriend left her oustide whilst he went inside the cafe to buy himself some food (probably raw meat and beer by the look of him), I didn't understand how he could do it, just leave a beautiful angel all on her own ike that without even asking if she wanted anything for herself... I would have asked what she wanted, I wouldn't have left her outside, I would be the perfect boyfriend to her, never let her out of my sight, never let her go hungry, never let her be sad, never let her go... NEVER.

As I sat and watched her, seemingly unaware of how breathtaking she was, images began to flash into my mind: of our wedding, of our honeymoon... of our children. I hadn't felt this way for a very long time, for the first time in a while I felt happy, and calm, and normal... I was woken up from my trance by a gruff voice. "Come on love, let's go!" it said. It only took me a second to realise who it was... her boyfriend.

They walked away and he took her out of my life forever. That is, he would have, but I followed them. He would leave her outside whilst he went in shops and I would stand at a distance and just stare at her until it was time to move on to the next shop. I could tell there were a million thoughts going through her head, she wasn't all beauty and no brains no-no, she was smart aswell. "Looks AND brains... you've hit the jackpot" I thought to myself. As the day wore on I started to notice the subtleties of her beauty, like the way her teeth gleamed when she smiled, the softness of her skin and, although i'm not usually one to focus on the behind, her bottom was a masterpiece.

It got to about 4 in the evening when they headed towards the train station, me following their every move. We ended up boarding a train to Widnes, which was a 2-hour train journey but I really didn't mind, she was worth every mile. I sat right behind them on the train, enduring his idiotic banter for the journey. She seemed bored of him too, as she barely made a sound the whole trip.

Eventually the train pulled in and the 2 of them got off. I began to wonder if I was maybe taking this a little bit too far... Afterall, I hadn't even got my gas bill sorted! This wasn't like me at all! But then again, love makes us do crazy things.

Outside the station was a bus stop which they waited at. I decided to hide just around the corner so as not to be spotted. The bus took 15 minutes to arrive, by which time a small queue had formed behind them. the bus was a number 718 and just underneath the number it read "Gwensbury avenue". The doors of the bus opened and they both got on, at which point I walked up and joined the back of the line. Eventually I found myself on the bus and on my way. Once again I sat myself directly behind them, and once again, had to put up with his fucking stupid moaning voice. As for her.. her silence said more than words ever could.

By the time we got off the bus it was past 7 o'clock. naturally I kept my distance whilst I followed them but, as it was darker, quite a bit closer than earlier in the day. The 2 of them went into a park, with a path leading into the darkness, lined with street lights. Worried I might give myself away I stuck to the darkness just off the path and must have got within metres of them. As they were walking I saw her yawn... it was the most beautiful sound I had ever heard, I almost broke down crying right there, but contained myself, knowing that if I did start crying my position would be given away.

After half-an-hour of walking we came out of the park and onto a street. I assumed my usual safe distance behind them until they finally got home. As they were walking in the house I heard his utter something "Come on Rosie, time for bed." Rosie... Rosie... Rosie. The single 2 most perfect syllables I had ever heard in my life. I found myself uttering the famous line from Romeo and Juliet "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet", As would Rosie, if she were named differently, still be the most beautiful female on God's green earth.

I stood and watched all the houses lights go off, then I gave it an hour or so before I crept round the back of the house. Sure enough, round the back were the bins. Being careful to be extremely quiet I rummaged until I found an old phone bill. "James Tevitt" it read above the address. Ah James, ofcourse, a common name for a common man. Also in his rubbish I found some electricity bills, a postcard from his mother and lots of old receipts... what a fool! He's no idea who might be watching.

Now I had put a name to that slimy, ugly little face of his I knew who I was up against... I wandered quietly up and down his road until I found a rickety old wall outside a drab looking house. After I made a quick rubbing I pulled one of the old, crumbling bricks out and made my way quickly back to "James'" house.

Delicately but with some force I broke one of the small windows on his front door. Reaching inside I felt around for the lock and undid it, opening the door I noticed I had cut my arm open quite badly on some shards still left ih the frame of the windown but I couldn't feel a thing, all I had on my mind was my ultimate goal... Rosie.

Creeping my way softly upstairs I could hear some loud snoring coming from up there. When I got to the top I was confronted with 3 doors. Fortunately for me however The loud snoring made it easy to identify which room was the bedroom. Opening the door I tip-toed my way up to the side of the bed, where, sure enough, James and Rosie lay asleep.

I took a deep breath, raised the brick above my head... and then brought it down with all my strength on James' head. There was a loud crack then silence. I smiled to myself. My left arm was still bleeding from the door and it was starting to go numb but I didn't mind.

Gently I reached over and felt Rosie's hair. She barely stirred. I laughed and said out loud "Well, you'll make a lousy guard dog!" She suddenly awoke and i grabbed her. She writhed around and bit my arm. She wouldn't stay still. I didn't mind her biting my arm, hell, she could have it if she wanted, I just didn't want her to be upset.

So with her in my arms I ran downstairs and searched the cupboards for dog food. I found some and emptied it onto the floor. she let go of my arm and I placed her onto the floor. All four of her paws got covered in dog food juice but it was alright. Her little tail waggled as she ate and moonlight reflected off her shiny little nose. It was the happiest night of my life.

Oh hold on... did I not mention she was a dog? Oh. Erm. Sorry. Well, we went on to win crufts 8 years in a row and we made millions in dog food endorsements.

THE END

- a monologue/short story by GaZZuM